In article <marty_bose-0411941657300001@mac_mar_bose.net.com>,
email@example.com (Marty Bose) wrote:
> In article <firstname.lastname@example.org%gt;,
> (1) You are some kind of mutated being who never sleeps.
> I could think of a number of other symptoms that this
> mutation might also be responsible for, which might explain
> a lot of things! Perhaps you have ten fingers on each hand,
> so you can type faster, for instance.
I think we should put John Norstad in touch with Chris Carter, creator of
_The X-Files._ Perhaps John will inspire Chris to write an episode of the
show that focuses on weird experiments being done at a major northwestern
university to try to improve staff productivity. Here's a sample:
- EXTERIOR SHOT:
- A modern American university. Tall glass and concrete
buildings nestled amongst rolling greens and a small park. Students
carrying books and tote bags hurry to class.
- CAPTION on screen reads:
- Northwestern University, 3:48 PM.
- NARRATION [MULDER]:
- Despite the best platitudes delivered by the academicians at
Northwestern University, I remain convinced that John
Norstad is not a willing participant in these direct neural channelling
experiments. The equipment in this room reminds me disturbingly of
Arecibo, and of Scully's abduction. Of something else that happened
that I can't quite remember, and of a warning that Deep Throat gave
me shortly before his murder.
- CLOSEUP of FOX MULDER,
- staring past his own reflection into a long glass window,
literally a glass wall on one side of a darkened room.
The room is empty except for MULDER and WHITE-COATED COMPUTER
SCIENTIST. Both of them look in fascination through the one-way
mirror into a harshly lit laboratory room. Two white-coated lab
workers make notes on PDA's and watch a SLACK-JAWED ACADEMIC TYPE as
he stares zombie-like at the screen of a heavily modified PowerMac,
a think bundle of fiber-optic cables emerging from the base of his
skull. The cables run into a series of expansion interfaces crammed
tightly into the computer.
- What's he doing right now? Compiling?
- WHITE-COATED COMPUTER SCIENTIST
- distracts himself from watching the bespectacled and bearded
SLACK-JAWED ACADEMIC TYPE type sitting at Macintosh, as lines of
code blur past the screen.
- Compiling? Ha! He's rewriting the Newswatcher code from scratch
to run native on PowerMacs running the new OpenVarnish operating system!
- Camera pans to SLACK-JAWED ACADEMIC TYPE
- as Macintosh swiftly reboots and launches newly compiled software. A
perfectly formed three dimensional image of a waffle slowly begins
to rotate on the display as a texture-mapped simulacrum of maple
syrup pours from the top of the screen. The Monty Python theme
begins to blare from large stereo speakers fastened to the side of
the display. SLACK-JAWED ACADEMIC TYPE grins and starts to
- FADE TO BLACK
____ _ ___ ____ ____ _
| __)| \ (_ || ___)| () || |___ || "Free your mind,
(_ _) | |_ /() || \ \__ || _ \ || and your ass
|_| \___)(____||_| (____||_| |_| || will follow."
= email@example.com = Peter Cohen = || - George Clinton
November 7, 1994 - Robert Lentz