Renovation! Watch for falling links! Renovation!

Pentium Rotisserie Released

Here are some new products that are being planned for the Power Macintosh in the coming months:

Spurred by consumer demand for IBM PC compatibility and the increased popularity of rotisserie chicken in the United States fast-food market, Apple plans to release the Pentium Rotisserie Attachment for the Power Macintosh. It will allow the user to run popular PC applications such as "X-Wing" and "Wing Commander" while he cooks his supper. "We feel that the Pentium processor is ideal for tasks requiring a lot of heat," says Gil Bates, project manager at Apple. A similar peripheral device, the Pentium Space Heater, is reportedly under consideration and will probably be released in time for next winter. Beta testers are pleased that the device keeps their fingers toasty warm while they use their PowerMacs to get work done.

Taligent has been showing a lot of demos lately of its new object- oriented operating system. Interestingly enough, it looks and feels almost exactly like the PC game "Doom". It makes use of a first-person office metaphor, in which the user is free to wander around a 3-D texturemapped rendering of his office environment, collect pens and Post-It notes and ammunition, and shoot anything that moves. Co-workers are depicted as zombielike creatures wearing tattered clothing, and managers are represented as demons that spit fireballs at the user. "It was important to avoid constraining the user by the limitations of what is normally done in an office," explains Mike "Ro" Soft, lead developer on this project. "This metaphor allows you more freedom to express your true feelings about your work." This environment will be shipped as the native operating system with the Power Macintosh 9500/150.

I've followed up on a tip from Greg Landweber about some features in System 8.0 that will make the Macintosh more "natural" to use. Among these are:

Based on customer feedback, Apple will be modifying its sixteen-inch display monitor to increase the monitor's radiation emissions. "We found that users who spend a lot of time in front of their computers like to at least have a good tan to show for it," stated one Apple employee who asked to remain anonymous. "I knew nothing about this," added John Sculley defensively. "If anyone had told me, I never would have signed any contracts." When asked what he was talking about, he suddenly became unavailable for comment.

In a pleasantly surprising gesture of world unity, Apple has offered to purchase spare nuclear warheads from Eastern European nations. These devices will then be converted to portable nuclear power generators for next month's PowerBook BlackBird computers. Apple refused to comment on rumors that these warheads are actually being stockpiled in underground silos and aimed at Redmond, Washington. "That's preposterous," scoffs Apple employee Spike Mindler. "We love Microsoft. Really. After all, we think they're almost ready to ship the native version of Microsoft Word. Why, if we were aiming those things at anybody, which we're not, we would certainly be aiming them at Intel. But we happen to think that Intel makes really good TV commercials."

--Brian Kendig

Netscape HTML Checked! May 15, 1994 - Robert Lentz (

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